I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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