I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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