just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
