hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
