Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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