I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Randomize
