she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
