True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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