I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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