if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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