There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
