i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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