yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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