I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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