I can tuck mytits in my pants
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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