im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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