What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
