I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
