I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
