Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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