WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
