Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
