im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
