Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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