highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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