My brain says no but my pants say off.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
