Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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