Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
