I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
