Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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