last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
