Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
