As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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