Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Boobs speak an international language.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My feet surprised me
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