happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
