Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
