you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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