Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
