Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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