you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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