Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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