The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
