He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
