All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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