She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
