Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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