it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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