i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
