IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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