I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
